Risk

One of the funniest Marathi composition I have ever read...

Enjoy..

रिस्क
दारु पितांना मी कधीच रिस्क घेत नाही,
मी संध्याकाळी घरी येतो, तेंव्हा बायको स्वयंपाक करीत असते
शेल्फमधील भांड्यांचा आवाज येत असतो,
मी चोर पावलाने घरात येतो,
माझ्या काळ्या कपाटातून बाटली काढतो,
शिवाजी महाराज फोटोतुन बघत असतात,
तरी या कानाचा त्या कानाला पत्ता लागत नाही .....
कारण मी कधीच रिस्क घेत नाही....

वापरात नसलेल्या मोरीतल्या फळीवरून मी ग्लास काढतो ,
चटकन एक पेग भरून आस्वाद घेतो,
ग्लास धुवून पुन्हा फळीवर ठेवतो,
अर्थात बाटलीही काळ्या कपाटात ठेवतो,
शिवाजी महाराज मंद हसत असतात,
स्वैपाकघरात डोकावून बघतो,
बायको कनिकच मलत असते,
या कानाचा त्या कानाला पत्ता लागत नाही,
कारण मी कधीच रिस्क घेत नाही ....

मी : जाधवांच्या मुलीच्या लग्नाचं जमल का ग ?
ती : छे, दानात असेल तर मिळेल ना चांगलं स्थळ !

मी परत बाहर येतो, काळ्या कपाटाच्या दाराचा आवाज होतो,
बाटली मात्र मी हळूच काढतो,
वापरात नसलेल्या फळीच्या मोरीवरून ग्लास काढतो,
पटकन पेगचा आस्वाद घेतो,
बाटली धुवून मोरीत ठेवतो,
काला ग्लासपण कपाटात ठेवतो,
तरी या कानाचा त्या कानाला पत्ता लागत नाही .....
कारण मी कधीच रिस्क घेत नाही ...

मी : अर्थात जाधवांच्या मुलीचं अजून काही लग्नाचं वय झालं नाही ?
ती : नाही काय ! अट्ठावीस वर्षाची घोडी झालीये म्हणे !
मी : ( आठवून जीभ चावतो) अच्छा अच्छा ....

मी पुन्हा काळ्या कपाटातून कणीक काढतो,
मात्र कपाटाची जागा आपोआप बदललेली असते,
फळीवरून बाटली काढून पटकन मोरीत एक पेग मारतो,
शिवाजी महाराज मोठ्याने हसतात,
फळी कणाकेवर ठेवून शिवाजींचा फोटो धुवून मी काळ्या कपाटात ठेवतो,
बायको गैसवर मोरीच ठेवित असते,
या बाटलीचा त्या बाटलीला पत्ता लागत नाही,
कारण मी कधीच रिस्क घेत नाही ....

मी : (चिडून) जाधवांना घोड़ा म्हणतेस? पुन्हा बोललीस तर जीभच कापून टाकेन तुझी ....!
ती : उगीच कटकट करू नका ... बाहेर जाउन गप्प पडा ...

मी कनकेवरून बाटली काढतो,
काळ्या कपाटात जाउन एक पेग मळतो,
मोरी धुवून फळीवर ठेवतो,
बायको माझ्याकड़े बघत हसत असते,
शिवाजी महाराजांचा स्वयंपाक चालूच असतो,
पण या जाधवांचा त्या जाधवाना पत्ता लागत नाही
कारण मी कधीच रिस्क घेत नाही ....

मी : (हसत हसत ) जाधवांनी घोडीशी लग्न ठरवल म्हणे !
ती : (ओरडून) तोंडावर पाणी मारा ...

मी परत स्वयंपाक घरात जातो, हलूच फळीवर जाउन बसतो,
गैसही फळीवरच असतो,
बाहेरच्या खोलीतून बाटल्याचा आवाज येतो,
मी डोकावून बघतो, बायको मोरीत दारूचा अस्वाद घेत असते,
ह्या घोडीचा त्या घोडीला पत्ता लागत नाही,
अर्थात शिवाजी महाराज कधीच रिस्क घेत नाही...
जाधवांचा स्वयंपाक होईपर्यंत ...
मी फोटोतुन बायकोकड़े बघत हसत असतो,
कारण मी कधीच रिस्क घेत नाही ....

Cookbook.... nah

Today evening as I was about to pack up for the day, one of my colleagues arrived at my cubicle and asked me "how to make egg-burji?". He of course knew it somewhat but since, perhaps it was the first time he would be doing it, he just wanted to make sure that the recipe he knew goes flawless to an edible egg burji. I, then jokingly said, "I think I can and I should write a recipe book now!" :)

I remember my friend from Sydney, Anil, calling me up one day, just to know how I make a good mutton curry and eventually made it up there in his kitchen which he later told me, was wonderfully delicious. And as I sit here in front of my machine at home, I think may be I am not that great as a cook to write a whole book on cooking titled "100 recipes to keep your family happy" or "101 dishes for you" or even "learn cooking in 21 days!!!", but definitely can make you happily remember me for long time for my magical (they say, I don't like to boast of) cooking skills. Do not worry, I am not going to write any such "cookbook"!!

Till now I have cooked- much out of sheer interest in cooking delicious dishes. And now a days it is more of compulsion that I do not have good eateries nearby where I can take food regularly, affordable to my pocket and digestable to my stomach! The quality & price of the food and the health of your stomach (ultimately yours) are directly proportional to each other. (proprtions is something I learnt in 7th class and now I understand its meaning with application!). Anyways that's a different story altogether, which will come to you later.

Yeah, so I was talking about that cookbook. Well, I thought that now is the time to release my secret recipes. Secret or patent no more, let it go Open Source. (that "I thought" in this statement is intentional here to announce that "I do think"). So sit back and keep watching.. You will find a finger licking good food recipes out here, Very Soon...

Marriage on Your Mind

This is the high time here for many things.. Temperature has started going high, giving just a hint of how heated it’s going to be… And so is the season of marriages in India. And this is the time when I remember and thought to write about the changes I see in my dear friends who got married recently … The changes that I see are more or less common in all these newly married friends, who were like free, wild horses earlier, competing with the wind, who now look trained and well maintained, racing ones – or rather the ones pulling a Tonga. Here I include those horses also who are just engaged and waiting for their big day to come. For security reasons (of my friends from their wives / would be’s), I won’t use their names, because I don’t want my blog to be a cause for my friends to ger beaten up so early in their “happily married” life!



Nomenclature

He- After engagement gets His original name back. This is a cyclic process. Parents give a nice name “Madhukar” at His birth, he grows up and gets school friends, becomes “Madhya” to them. And once engaged, He becomes “Madhukar” or even “MadhukarRao”…Back to original name.



Self-Awareness!!!

He becomes cautious. His personal appearance changes and He suddenly become conscious of hair-style, clothes and more so, of the health. A friend of mine has good hair. He has tried all those hair cuts and styles that you can remember altogether. Thank God, Ghajini released after his engagement. Clothes is another fun, what T’s and weird looking jeans whose original color is unidentifiable are after the “Tie”, now replaced by nice Peter England or better shirt and formal pair of pants - all wrinkle free with well shining 'Cherry blossom'ed shoes.



Go-Going-Gone



The favorite word of these people… No… you didn’t guess it right… The word is “go” and its different forms….



For example, when one such friend X comes to you, is a timepiece phobiac, keeps looking at the clock every now and then. You are about to offer him tea / snacks but he is so much in a hurry and says “got to go”!! Once the cell phone rings and the call is from Wifey, the cell phone ring appears like a Fire-brigade van’s siren to this friend and irrespective of where he’s, what he’s doing, etc W based questions become meaningless and he says “got to go”



Gifts



Teddy Bears and chocolates are a gone era now... Mobiles and i-pods are in...

Giving a cell-phone as gift has become so much of a custom, like an engagement ring. One such friend of mine had had a big gap between the “selection” talk between the two families and the engagement. And this guy has spent at least 10 working hours searching for a good handset on the internet. And it’s only after the engagement that he has started messaging and calling up. The same friend of mine is now spending at least (necessary to say ‘at least’) one hour every evening on internet again, just to search for a nice, ‘Love’ly “Good Night” SMS. Because we, until engagement, are used to get so very un-romantic SMSes which cannot be forwarded to the fiancée. What say!



Good Morning-Good Afternoon- Good Night



The cellular service providers must be very happy with these ‘tied’ people. Before, these dears would work more and attend a few calls. Now they do a very little work during the call to the fiancée. One such friend of mine has earlier had a habit of always keeping the cell phone in silent mode. One fine day when he woke up at 9 and saw his phone, found 40 missed calls in a duration of just 30 minutes. The ‘other side’ must be trying hard for the “Good Morning” talk. This silent guy then after coming to office (yes, he’s my colleague), called up the other end and later that day, after that incident, and even now you can hear a nice n loud Chinese music ring tone from his phone. This same friend of mine also has a defined time pattern to make the calls. And moreover it’s so very romantic for this friend to purposely delay the calls sometimes, especially the “Good Night” ones for the fake, mischievous fight over the phone!!!



Veggie vs Bone'y

Usually the scene here is like this. He is a die-hard Non-veg Lover whereas She is a "shuddha shaakahaari", a pure veggie whose philosophy for eggs also is " there is a life in an egg"! LOL.. And when the wife goes to Her parents for a couple of days.. one cannot describe the joy seen on the face of this newly married friend who's alone at home. One of my past colleague calls this state as "Forced bachelor-hood"... He at such time is really not alone at home.. Once she is gone, even if His in-laws stay within a distance of 4-5 kms, He, making sure that She's not gonna come back, sends "Happy hours' calls to his friends and that night is notably spicey with at least two chicken flying into the kitchen. Let me announce that, at this time He is completely with you, no calls, no "Missing you" and nothing.. only thing on the mind is the Leg-piece in the bowl.

Party

You ask for a party before marriage / engagement, it’s ‘thrown’ at you. Take whatever you want, whatever time, and at whatever cost!! We friends earlier would search for just a reason to do a bash. Friends used to gather at someone’s empty house (empty – here means whose parents are away from home, for even a day), and people would invite me as the chief guest, for I’m probably the best cook in my friend circle. With good music and delicious, finger-licking chicken curry, people would chit-chat till the dawn and go to station for a bed-tea, without sleeping.

And now you talk about a party! If He- is an engaged person, comes to you.And all the time he’s there with you he is jusy a body without soul - I mean, he is just there for the sake of being physically present. His soul goes in to the cell phone, standing at the corner or in another room, or on the terrace... this guy is a gone case... Most boring thing, the praise by the Him for Her.... "she's like this.. she's like that.... she is so this... so that" and what not !!! May be she's Aishwarya Rai or Angelina Jolie for you. You have no rights to make us see Her as you see!!! "If she really was Aishwarya or Angelina, why the hell she would marry you dumbo" we "Happily single yet" tear his dreamy thoughts!

A lot many things can be written about Him ... For now... I wish a great time ahead for all such Him's with me... Since not many girls have been my friends, it may take some time to write about the better half of His... Her.